My Experience in Coming back to India

by Latha Goutham

Disclaimer: These are just my views. My intention is not to start an email war! Since a lot of my friends/relatives wondered what it is like being back in India, I just thought of putting down a few things together, out of my experience, for them to read.

A little about my background...

I and my husband spent about 6 years in the US, and returned to India in 1995 for good. We went to the US as students, worked for a few years and returned to India. My husband started his own Software firm; I started a branch office for my US/Delhi based company at Madras..

I still remember the reaction of a few people in the US, when we said we were going back to India for good. `Oh no, what happened?' as if something terrible has to happen to go back to my country of birth and where I belong. And a few others, especially, who were in their mid forties, with teenage children, saying, `I wish I had the courage like you guys to have made such a wise decision 20 years ago. Don't even have second thoughts; you are doing the right thing. The emptiness in life will be realized only when you get to our age'. This was not from just one family; but a few. And, certain others `Let us know what life is like after you get to India so that we can also consider moving back.'

And back here in India, when thousands of people are willing to stand upside down to get to the US, some people could not comprehend what made us come back even after getting the green card? When a few people asked me 'how come you don't like the US', I used to wonder if not liking a place is the only reason to leave it; why can't I like another place even more. I like the clean air, courteous people, variety of fruits, the long drives through the Blue ridge parkway, the beautiful lakes and the abundant natural resources in the US. Sometimes, I do miss those long drives, the sour Granny smith apples, the fried ice creams, the lazy Saturdays watching USA premier movies on the cable, with Pizza Hut lunch delivery.........etc.....etc.

We have several personal reasons for making the decision to come back to India. But making the decision to come back so early was to be with our parents when they are getting old, and the career opportunity that we got to come back to India was just in time. This mail is not about why we came back, but about what life is like here after having come back. So let me stop here about why we came back.

As for our experience of coming back, we have not regretted it. In fact, we are very happy with our decision to have come back. Life in the US is filled with physical comforts and luxuries, which I had gotten quite used to in 6 years. Other than this `comfort' uncertainty, I thought my life will have more meaning here in India. I knew I will have a more satisfied, fulfilling life here and I couldn't get the sense of belonging anywhere else. After living here for over 3 years, I am happy to realize that I was right about my expectations; my existence has more meaning here in India than what it was in the US.

After we came back to India, we realized it was after all not difficult to get the physical comforts and luxuries as in the US. We realized it was not so difficult to maintain a good standard of living with reasonable comforts and luxuries, after having tuned to the US life style.

In our experience just for the 2 of us, Rs. 15,000 per month (without including rent) has been what it takes to lead a very, very comfortable life, without having to think twice about ‘should I spend on this or not’. Eat out about once or twice a week and all other day-to-day expenses inclusive. Of course, if you spend too much on dresses, jewelry, gifts etc., vacation, travel, etc., then it might go up.

With the budget limit of Rs 15k, the day-to-day living includes the following facilities:

1.Food has never been a problem. Every single meal is fresh food; no frozen/microwaved food any more; any variety, at any time of the day, homemade, or home delivered or at a restaurant. People who have not visited Madras for quite some time may be surprised to find so many Pizza places including Dominos and a handful of good Mexican, Italian, Thai, Chinese, etc., restaurants, for those who are interested in non-Indian food.

2.Household chores.... Neatly washed and ironed clothes, mopped floors everyday, bathrooms cleaned at least every other day, no dirty dishes---clean sink always, milk, fresh vegetables and fruits at my door, grocery delivered at my home spending on just a phone call---no extra charges, even medicines delivered at the door, tender coconut, ice creams, peanuts, at the door, bread, puff, cookies, chips, all fresh from the bakery, delivered at my door, and the list goes on.... And to top it all - cash delivery at my doorstep from the bank; we don't even have to drive to the ATM; a luxury which was not available to us when we were in the US! I can also deposit my checks the same way! (at a charge of Rs. 50/delivery) - automatic debit from my bank account to my credit card bills - automatic debit from my bank account on the telephone bill - hand over the check for the electricity bill to the EB guy who comes home to get the meter reading, or just send it to the office through the maid. - garbage collected from door to door every day (yes, there is no public garbage place/bin where I live---Padmanabha nagar, Adyar; for about Rs. 400 per Year, garbage is collected, from door to door; I leave it near the gate.)

3.Pollution: Yes, clean air is a problem; but, we mange to do pretty well choosing roads with less traffic, and by avoiding peak hour traffic. We get to work a little early and leave for home either early or late. But, pretty much all places have A/C these days, which reduces the effect of pollution on us; at home, in the car, at the office, restaurants, hospitals, shopping centers, auditoriums, etc. I never had to fall sick because of pollution in the last 3+ years.

4.As for the roads and driving: When we came here in March 95, like every one who visits/returns from the US, we were not comfortable driving; but it was just one month before we started feeling at ease. I enjoy driving very much, be it in the US or in India. It is just the difference between the car race on the track versus cross-country car race! In the US, I would simply follow the rules and keep driving and within a few days after I started driving, it became an unconscious effort; but here, it took a few weeks to get that unconscious effort in driving, because here more than me following the road rules, I should assume that the others on road with me won't follow the rules, while I drive! I do not think or concentrate anymore while I drive. It is just like playing a video game; till you get used to the keys/commands, you need the concentration, but, once you are through it, it becomes mechanical and no concentration is needed; the time you need to get used to depends on the number of keys/commands. I know the next question you would want to ask is 'what about safety? it is not as simple as the video game!' Just check out the percentage of people involved in a road accident every year in the US versus in India? Compare the traffic in the US versus in India (2/3/4/6/8/10 wheelers, pedestrians and animals, all inclusive!). For such heavy traffic here, with the given road conditions, the % of accidents are much, much lower than what it is in the US. In fact, with perfect roads, perfect road regulations, people perfectly following the regulations, I think there shouldn't be any accidents at all in the US. (Within my friends/relatives circle I have known about 3 people, who have died in (different) road accidents in the US and I only know of one in India who died on a road accident. That is as far as my personal statistics goes.)

It is not about following the rules or not. It is about whether rules will work here in India or not. With such heavy traffic and with such small roads, if I should wait till the traffic is clear before I make a turn on to a road, I will have to keep on waiting, holding up the traffic behind me. I just leave enough distance for the vehicles to brake and then take my turn; this way, I don't wait, I don't hold the traffic behind me causing a traffic jam, and the traffic on the main road just slows down a little to let me on the road and continues. If I should follow the US road rules here, then it will take me at least 4 times as much time to get to my office every day (and delaying many others behind me); if everyone should adhere to rules strictly and drive, the traffic will stay on the road for more than 4 times longer, making the roads more congested and in turn slowing down the traffic even more. Unless India's land area increases at least about 10 folds and we have space for wider roads, we can't even think about regulated traffic as in the West, working in India. And the way it works right now is the best one.

5.As for medical care: I really had the worst experience of my life at one of the hospitals here, where the staff, nurses and doctors treat the patients like a piece of dirt. I was quite agitated and depressed, and for once really wondered if I did the right thing in leaving the US. I have to agree that most doctors are money minded and you are not treated with care and sympathy, unless you are personally known to the doctor or associated with a celebrity. I have waited even for 4 hours, just for seeing the doctor for one minute! Patients have nothing else in this world to do, other than waiting at the doctor's office, and their time is not worth even a penny, but doctors' time is worth millions---that seems to be the general attitude here. But, my husband kept telling me that, not every single doctor/hospital is bad like that, and we just have to search for the right one to meet our expectations. And he was right; we talked to an other doctor, and it didn't work out, and the next one was perfect. I have not seen a doctor as friendly, pleasant, personal, sympathetic and nice as the gynecologist I go to now, even in the US! And the hospital is clean, systematic and friendly. The difference is that, who/where ever you go to in the US, at a minimum you can take it for granted to see a clean hospital/clinic and pleasant/nice doctor/treatment, without keeping you waiting wasting your time. Here, you have to make an effort to find the right one; surely nice doctors/hospitals are available here, it is just a matter of finding him/her.

6.(Wo)Man-power: People are available to get done all kinds of work. It is just a matter of finding the right one and figuring out each ones expectations so that you can keep them; for example, my maid at home is very good at work; she cares for good treatment more than money; very honest. Even though she is a few years younger to me, I address her with respect; never order her, always request what I want to get done and she is very happy working for me and I am very happy having her. She would even send a substitute (her neighbor or sister) when she doesn't feel well and can't come to work. All she cares for is good, equal and caring treatment. For some people, money is more important, like my plumber; pay him what he asks and he will attend to any fault at any hour of the day; for some other people like my maid at work, who is again very good at work, once in a while I have to spend a couple of minutes listening to her problems in life and she is very happy doing whatever I say taking home whatever I pay her. Some people like my office boy, needs constant reminder for every little thing; finally I figured out and got him into the practice of keeping a small notebook to jot down everything I ask him to do and it started working out well.

Some people just can't get anything right and will not be happy with how much ever I pay. I just get rid of them and try the next person! I remember one of my experiences at the US office where I worked; a CS graduate was hired to offload some of my work; he could hardly complete 20% of what he was supposed to do; he would constantly come in late, take too many breaks during the day, spend too much time talking to people, and totally inefficient, unmanageable and useless. We tried for a few months trying to make him better at work, but it was all in vain and had to fire him. And I had a similar experience with one of my employees here at Madras and had to fire her.

After all inefficient people are every where; money is the main and probably the only compensating factor for work in the US; where as in India money along with something else like, respect, personal care, tips, moral support, etc., works out.

So, it is, after all, understanding the nature of each one around us and relating to them in their own way. I find it more interesting and challenging working with people here.

I seem to spend about Rs. 200 per month (just an average; it is more during festival seasons and negligible during other months), just to tip my maids, postman, plumber, telephone guy, electrical guy, etc., etc. per year, which keeps them all happy and makes them work for me happily.

7.Utilities: power situation has been pretty good so far, at least in Madras. So is water; bore-well is available always and if metro water supply is not sufficient, just buy water, which is even delivered at the door. Phone, cell phone, cable TV, etc, are all good.

8.I have my Veena teacher come home to teach me; I used to drive 40 minutes each way in the US, every weekend for my classes.

9.Bribe: It is very true that anything you want to do with government offices, be ready to tip(!) them. Had to spend about Rs. 500 for both our driving license through a broker. This way you just go to the license office for about half hour to show your face and everything is done for you. And you will be shocked to hear about the amount I had to pay the Madras customs people starting from the AC to the peon) while I had to process the papers for setting up my office as a customs bonded, STP unit. Being a lady, they are pretty nice in asking for the money! One officer started talking about his salary and monthly commitment at home and questioned me how in the world can he cope with all this if people like us don't pay them extra. Quite true indeed! Some others will say, 'Madam how much ever you wish; normally for processing paper like this we get so much paid.' And, while 99% are like this, I also met a person in the same customs office, who refused to take a single rupee; he said to my agent that 'it is very rare to see people come back from the US to our country and the least we can do is not discourage them by taking bribe, and making life more difficult for them.' He signed and processed all our papers without any delay.

Same with telephone repair; if your line is out of order, you HAVE to tip the employees after they fix it; if you don't, the line will be out of order over and over again till you tip!

But, when you do tip them, your needs are taken care of with such unbelievable politeness and promptness!

This covers pretty much all aspects of my day-do-day life here, which in my opinion is pretty good for leading a comfortable life. And spending time with the near and dear ones is part of my day-to-day activity, which in itself is a big bonus and makes life even more enjoyable!

I think it all boils down to what you want in life, what really makes you happy and what is important to you in life. If one cannot answer these questions, with conviction, definitely (s)he cannot be happy in India. Because, when you are not sure what gives you happiness in life, you don't know what and where to look for and eventually you will be dissatisfied. If you are dissatisfied in life, then dealing with life in India gets very difficult, because it is not structured and mechanized as in the US, where your day to day life is all streamlined; you need a calm and clear mind to relate to people around and go on happily with life here in India. On the other hand without thinking about or knowing the answer to what is happiness to you and what is important to you in life, it is very easy to lead a peaceful life in the US.

Answering these questions, you may be happy staying in the US, which I think is perfectly fine. I really like and appreciate the honesty when some of my friends have said, 'India? where is it? Not a part of my life any more. I like it here; I am more happy here now, than at any other time in my life while in India'. I like such honest views. After all I think life is all about being happy! Where ever one is happy I believe that is where (s)he should be.

BUT, I whole heartedly hate it when people put down India by saying all sorts of things, ----fabricated, exaggerated, and the truth---and then justifying their decision to settle in the United States. The cheap and dirty mentality. One doesn't have to put down something in order to elevate something else. Why should any one feel guilty at all for settling down in a foreign land? Why should such a guilt make anyone get self defensive and portray India as the worst, horrible place to live?

I have had to move with truly racist people in the US. But, I do not portray US as a country of racism. I have met snobbish people, when I got lost on the road, who wouldn't even tell me the correct way. That doesn't make me generalize US as a place of unfriendly, unhelpful people. When we had to go to Northeast DC, a crime prone zone, we were advised never to get down from the car, even if we lost our way; just to go round and round and get ourselves out; that doesn't make me talk about US as a country filled with violence and crime. I still talk to people here about all the things I liked and learnt from the West. There are ups and downs everywhere; good and bad people everywhere; efficient and inefficient people everywhere. In my opinion, it is just the attitude of an individual to keep brooding and cribbing about only the negative and unpleasant things that happen around them, than learning and taking the good from anywhere and everywhere and being happy.

It is ridiculous when I hear people who live here, and have never set their feet outside India, say with conviction that US is the best place to live on earth!

This is just my observation of our own lives, and a few other friends and relatives who have come back to India after spending a few years abroad. It may be surprising for many to know that 4 out of 5 of us (myself and 3 of my brothers with spouse and children) have come back to India, after spending 5+ years abroad! Just one brother is settled in the US. Since there are so many in my own family, along with a few friends who have come back, I think I can say that I have a better understanding of what it is like to have come back to India, than most others.

I hope this mail was helpful at least to some of you in understanding what life is like after coming back from the US and what it takes to have a comfortable living and being happy!